It's been almost one week already, and yet I can't manage to fall asleep before 3am. I hate jet-lag. These days have been pretty hectic, I've done a lot of things: Vogue Fashion Night Out, drinks, dinners, clubs, and I met a lot of people, family, friends, friends of friends... And it's been great. Great to feel at home, interact with people, chat, laugh... Like a normal life, that life I've been longing for one entire year. But what's the price to pay? Why can't we have everything? Why do I always have to give up one thing or another??
Oh God. Sometimes the pain is so strong, I can barely breath. I miss my Cocco so much that it hurts. But what hurts MORE, is how much I love him, and how bad I feel for having gotten mad at him, screamed at him and hitten at him during the pas 11 months. What had I turned into? What was wrong with me that I hurt my beloved Cocco, the most precious thing I owned? The sweetest guy in the earth, whom I loved so much?
One must be completely mad to do sthg like that, and I guess I was. Too bad I realised it TOO LATE. When he already didn't want too see nor to talk to me anymore. When he looked at me, with sad eyes, telling me he still hoped I became again that girl he fell in love with on that Mexican beach, I didn't understand. I thought it wasn't my fault, I was sad to be shut at home. I knew I wasn't that girl anymore.
But I didn't lie to him, because that happy girl who gave him a lighter is still hidden somewhere. I blamed him for being selfish and taking me for granted, but I didn't realise I was doing that too. Oh my God Cocco. If only I knew how to reach your heart again. If only I could back in time, and handle things differently.
There's NOTHING I wish more. I would give anything to be able to hug him again. I never ever loved anyone so intensely and I think I'll nver will.
Anything, to get his forgiveness. Holy crap.
Coccolino dove sei?? Mi manchi tanto. Te quiero muchisimo mi Bambolone.
